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Kepa practices abstinence as he refuses to get off, United and Liverpool are similarly dysfunctional, Spurs are undone by 2019’s King of the North, Sean Dyche, and Arsenal pulverize a tragic Southampton.

Elsewhere we pour fuel on the Puel debate, have a look at what Serie A has been up to of late, and after another virtuoso performance, of all time, Messi is surely the greatest.