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Gaffer to replace Jeremy Clarkson?

So, after investigation, we learn that the BBC will not be renewing Jeremy Clarkson’s contract. The rest of this season of Top Gear will play out, and then the BBC and the show’s team will figure how – or whether – to continue their work. There are parallels here with the Mark Warburton story at Brentford (although to be absolutely clear, Warburton did not assault anyone), in fact the whole drama has had a football-esque tinge to it. It made us think…if we had to pick one football manager to replace Jeremy Clarkson as the chief presenter of Top Gear, who would it be?

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Mohaned’s choice: Roy Keane

SOME SAY he’s nationalistic, slightly racist and arrogant. All we know is he’s called The Clarkson and we need to replace him! Who comes to mind… who comes to mind? Oh wait, how about The Stig’s Irish cousin ; Roy Keane!? He has all the physical attributes that Jeremy likes in a car..power, torque and good looks. He would fit right in with the Top Gear crew. When they have a guest doing the lap around the track, Keane can be on the sidelines berating them for lack of effort. We all know Keane loves to be in the spot-light, and he can use this opportunity to plug his hate for Sir Alex Ferguson (and everyone else) every week, broadcasting to millions! From a BBC point of view, it’s perfect. Roy is “British”, and also affordable as he doesn’t have much in his recent resume to back up any high wage demands. I’m sure any gig right now is better Assistant Manager of Ireland.

Roy Keane would be the best replacement for Jeremy Clarkson … IN THE WORLD! And with that bombshell ….. see you next week!

Bernie’s choice: Paulo Di Canio

I’d go for Paulo Di Canio. An Italian hosting a British automobile show sounds ludicrous, right? Give it chance and let’s all get Greg Dyke’s body temperature up a little bit. Paulo is the man who banned ketchup of all things at Sunderland so he’s clearly out of his mind. He will definitely fit right in with the rest of the Top Gear gang. His fascist political leanings mean he’s perfect to drop the odd racist bombshell as Clarkson was known to do. If he’s anything as competitive as he was on the pitch and in the dugout then I can see him scaring the hell out of his co-stars (please let James May and Richard Hammond sign on for another year). Italians know their cars, that’s for sure, and I won’t complain if we see more Pagani Zondas and Bugatti Veyrons doing laps around the Top Gear track. That said, Paulo Di Canio will look down at a Ford Mustang cursing it as the peasant wagon that most Italians think it is.

Last but not least, with Paulo at the helm you can be sure that he’ll put his hands on one of the producers like the time he shoved the referee during his Sheffield Wednesday stint. The show will be cancelled and we start the process all over again. Grazi, Paulo.

Alexander’s choice: Andre Villas Boas

The debonair Portuguese’s love for vehicles is well-known. He has attended the Monaco Grand Prix, owns a considerable collection of bikes and cars, has driven a BMW Z4, an M5 and a special version of the Fiat 500 Abarth. He’s even spoken of his burning desire to one day participate in the Dakar Rally:

“To compete in the Dakar Rally is a lifetime ambition for me and is something I know I have to do. It went from a passion to an obligation, a destination of life, but I can only do it when I leave football. I will do it.”

Although perhaps not as controversial a figure as Clarkson, Villas Boas is definitely prone to an error of judgement in front of the media. Meanwhile, his suave demeanor and handsome visage would be a welcome respite from Jeremy Clarkson’s craggy, Steve Bruce-esque features and over-sized blazers. Meanwhile, his firmly upper-middle class background means he should fit seamlessly into the pattern of slightly forced, smarmy banter espoused by his co-hosts, May and Hammond. From the BBC’s point of view, Villas Boas might be expensive, but his dedication is such that he might end up sleeping in the studio after filming shuts down, writing down plans for the next episode. I reckon an AVB-BBC combo could produce results.

Rishay’s choice: Jurgen Klinsmann

This charming ever-young fellow who probably knows a thing or two about the autobahn is a prime candidate to replace Mr. Clarkson. Who wouldn’t want to watch a show with Klinsmann as the main host? He is a lethal finisher, had power and pace, but also knew how to navigate his way through a defense. I have no doubt in my mind that he can apply these skills to driving. You need that “MMMPH” factor and he’s got it. Perhaps one or two controversial things might go down on the show with him in the driving seat but nothing that won’t keep viewership at an all time high. However, he would inevitably get sacked at some point for forcing the whole crew to meditate, so you’d have to enjoy it while it lasted.

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